Saturday, March 27, 2010

On parenting two

I've been thinking about this topic for a while, knowing that it needed its own post, but I haven't had it in me to even think about its reality.  Tonight I find myself thinking about it a lot and have found some quite peaceful time to refelect and actually put it all into words. We had planned to have a date night tonight, the second one in a year, but I felt tired all day and Adi had been up past her bedtime 3 nights in a row.  It felt wrong to leave her with Ama, overtired and wanting to stay up late and play with her gramma. It also felt wrong to waste a very seldom precious date with Andy when I was exhausted and cranky.  So I find myself instead with a clean house, a clean sleeping kid(after hours at the park) adn a glass of wine.  I feel calm and ready to face reality, finally.

This morning I went to a friends baby shower.  There was excitement in the air and you could sense the nesting that was going on with the mama.  I left thinking, wow Jane! you have a baby on the way too, but there has been none of that.  Part is, I'm sure, that I am not a first time mom, but the fact that I am not pregnant is really a huge part too. I am not bitter or jealous that these women are pregnant and I am not. I am not bothered that strangers at a gathering or the park don't know that I am about to have a new child. 

When you tell a stranger that your 2 yr old is also about to be a big sister and they look at you confused, then look at your stomach, then get kinda awkward and want to get out of the conversation, it feels easier not to say anything at all.  In a lot of ways it is kind of nice not to have every stranger at the park feel obliged to talk to you about your pregnancy and reaching out to touch your stomach and asking you how much weight you've gained and making comments about how much cuter maternity clothes are these days and the list goes on.  But I'm not nesting. I'm not collecting onesies or burp clothes(grant it I have them all) I'm not even pulling out the baby clothes (because I don't even know what sizes I need because we don't really know how big he is)or getting diapers together(that's because I am DREADING dealing with diapers again.) I don't have new special boy bedding or a new boy nursery theme(Bay gets to share Adi's pink room).

Heres the thing, I know none of this matters. I know he will be ok wearing clothes that don't fit until we can run to target and pick some up. I know he will be ok sleeping on ladybug sheets in a pink room, I know he will play with Adi's toys and doesn't need special little new baby toys. I know he can drink out of a Dora the explorer sippy cup until we can find him some sort of bottle he likes(this is a whole other issue, I have no idea about bottles, which are good what age needs what, do 11 months old even take bottles????any info on this would be great).  But I need to realize that I am about to be the parent of 2! I have honestly not thought about this until the last few days.  And I don't have a few months of him being a new born, just sleeping and eating all day. I am about to have 2 toddlers and I have no idea how to prepare for it. I guess the reality is that I will figure it out as I go.  The trips to the grocery store and library will take longer. Getting to Doctor apt will take longer, getting to bed will take longer, going out to eat won't happen and date nights won't either.  Play dates will be shorter and less gossip will be spilled because there will be more eyes needed to watch little ones.  Trips to the gym will take way longer, if at all, and runs with the Jogger won't happen, because I don't have a double stroller(and according to Andy don't need and won't ever get one, also probably true).  So moms of multiple children...do I sound about right? At least at first? Thank goodness Andy and I will both be home for at least 2 months this summer to try and figure this all out together. 
And now I'd like to open the floor up to you readers...what do I need to be doing to prepare for this? What advise do you have? Is nesting over rated?


  1. Hey Sweetie, I never had two children but I have to say that going from one to three was not nearly as difficult as going from zero to one. I'm not sure we added anything to the supplies either except for a few more diapers and another crib.

    And - you won't be a full time nursing student!

    XXOO Ad's Mem.

  2. Hi Jane! I can only tell you that this has been much harder than I thought it would be and not for any of the reasons you listed (although those are all true and I would pay extra if someone would offer the necessities of life...milk, oatmeal, shampoo, coke zero...in a drive-thru) but the thing that has been the hardest has been my oldest son's transition. This has been so hard on him. And although he loves Daniel and tries very hard...he is grieving our old life together and it has been more difficult for him than for Daniel and me. That surprised me...and still makes me sad but I know that he will be happy about this change later...when he understands it better.
    Can't wait to see your new family picture with Belay right in the center of it. :)

  3. Thanks ruthanne! I worry about Adi's transition a lot too, Even though she talks about him all the time now, the reality of the change will be whole new ball game huh!
    I can't wait for that picture too:)
    thanks for the support