Wednesday, May 19, 2010

learning to love

As I sat with my new son, rocking him to sleep for an afternoon nap, he hugged his bottle tight.  Once he'd had enough milk, he snuggled that bottle right up under his chin and his cheek nuzzled into the nipple. My first thought was "Ah how cute" and almost immediately after that I felt a pang of sorrow.  The only thing he has had to love on and snuggle is a plastic bottle filled with formula. Not a mama to fall asleep on, or a breast to nurse on.
Moments like this remind me why it is not ok to put him in bed with his bottle and leave the room for the night, although tempting since it is all he knows.   We are in some ways "breaking" his sleep "training", which when you spent the greater part of your child's life trying to get them to sleep (adi) this is somewhat painful.  But even more painful is the thought of him being left alone to cry himself to sleep for the first year of his life  We AREN'T talking about the "Ferber method" here people (cry it out). While I saw first hand how loved these kids are at the care center they live in before they go to there forever home, there is still way too many kids to gently put them all to bed. My precious boy needs to know how it feels to fall asleep in mommy and daddy's arms and to hold on to us, not just a bottle.  He is learning this fast! especially with daddy. When daddy is not at work, Belay is in his arms. They are both so in love! I always said this was Andy's pregnancy.

Today felt like good adjustments are being made. Small, but good.  For 5 whole minutes adi sat and played princesses while Belay pushed the buttons on the DVD player and I sat and watched and NO ONE cried or went to time out. Until Belay took a princess and Adi bit his hand, but we made it for 5 min!


  1. 5 minutes is a start! Believe me -- with 3 boys (6, 4, and 3), 5 minutes of peace and no fighting is fantastic!!

  2. I can so relate to your post. I felt the same way about Grace Demot when she came home. She loves her bottle so much and my heart breaks when I think of how many nights that love put her to sleep. The good news is now we have them to rock and hold and they have us to depend on. Great post!

  3. We adopted our son in Russia when he was 13 months old. Oh how I know the feelings you are having now. I rocked my son in the rocking chair with his precious "baba" and held him as close to the nursing position as I could. He loved it and continued to love it until he was about 3.5 years old. I did not care that an almost 4 year old probably shouldn't be falling asleep in my arms with a bottle but I let him anyway. He still asks for "rocking day" sometimes and he is 5 yrs old now. I loved that precious time with him. BTW, I found your blog because we are thinking about adopting again thru IAN. Thanks for sharing! Congrats on your beautiful family.