Thursday, February 17, 2011

Times are changing

A year ago I was on top of things. I followed blogs, forums, information changes. I knew every bump that every family was going threw in their adoption. But now we're home. Belay is safe in our arms and no one remembers life without him. It's a rare day that I peruse through the agency forum or read the home page news.
Now all that being said, I know things have gotten a lot harder.   Before I broke up with my facebook account, I was noticing all sorts of disheartening updates as far as adoptions go.

We waited for a referral.  It seemed like forever.  From September 11th 2009 until January 11th 2010. So  forever was 4 months. Not 22 months or 30 months. We waited for a court date from Jan 14th (date of official referral acceptance) until Feb 24, our first court date. Just over a month. Then we did not pass court. We were bummed, but sadly it had become the norm to not pass until 2nd or 3rd try.
So we were prepared.
March 10th came, and we passed court and became his parents, 2 weeks later.
April 16th arrived and we tried to hop on a plane but a volcano erupted. REALLY A VOLCANO?
So we were delayed 2 weeks. On April 30th we did get on the plane and on May 1st we held that tiny baby for the first time.
We didn't have to say goodbye, we didn't have to leave him alone in an orphanage while we came back home to wait, again. He was ours. And on May 9th we landed at the Asheville airport and hugged our family, all together, forever.

So lets do the math. Sep 11until may 1st = 8 months. Felt like FOREVER. June, when we first signed on with our agency until May = 11 months. Thats it. Not even a year. Felt like FOREVER.
We had a few hiccups, that volcano being the main one. But in the grand scheme of things, that's a hiccup and a small one at that.

So when I read about families who have waited 20 plus months for a referral, 2 plus for a court date. Who then had to leave their kids in Ethiopia while they cam home to wait for months to go back and bring them home, I get shivers.

My heart pours out to them. But still they remain steadfast.  Their love for these kids, some whom they have not met yet, conquers all these obstacles.

While I am eternally grateful for the minimal pain we endured to bring Belay to our family, I live in fear of doing what these families are doing now.
I dream of a third.  Some times that third has an African mommy too, some times he/she doesn't.
I'm not sure I have the strength to do what I see these amazing people do now.
I have seen the pain of my babies face and not been able to hold him. I've worried about a tiny baby who couldn't gain wait and be able to do nothing about it. I have waited 11 months for you. Could I wait even longer? I don't know. I do know the love that follows is worth it. Maybe I am looking for signs of what's to come. Time will tell.


  1. I have many of those same thoughts, Jane. I'll be anxious to see how your family grows! :)

  2. I totally get that. I feel so thankful that our process came in under the wire of the current changes. I keep hoping that after they weed out some of the issues that maybe adoption from Ethiopia will once again be a smoother process. From the first time we saw K'Tyo's face until bringing him home was a little less than 7 months. I would love to bring home another waiting child, but I don't think our hearts or the dynamics of our family at this time could go through the process. I keep hoping!

    And, by the way, I know that ash cloud was a real bummer at the time, but I am so glad that we ended up getting to travel together! :o)

  3. Yes, yes, yes. I am so heartbroken for these families who are 'stuck' right now. And soooo grateful for my quick process (although it certainly didn't feel quick during that wait.)

    Like, Dardi, as much as I hate that you were delayed in meeting Belay for two weeks, I am so glad that we were able to meet you!

  4. isn't it funny(well not really funny)how two weeks at that time was cruel, and now it could be months!perspective changes everything.

  5. Yes, it's hard, but you could do it. You will do anything for your child - you know that. We waited almost 5 years for our daughter from China (& still broke line by a few years) & once again we wait, this time to actually meet our daughter in ET. It's anguishing at times, but we can't just give up now. Not now, not ever. Can't wait to see what happens with your family.
    Charity (IAN mama, waiting IMpatiently on my court date. LOL)

  6. I totally agree Jane... looking back at it now... we had it easy!! Don't know if my heart could go through what they are going through right now...